Tapping Out

Icebreaker questions. I love them. Any fun way to break the ice, get a little awkward, and learn random things about one another; I’m all for it. There’s one particular icebreaker we use from time to time in a DivorceCare group my husband and I help facilitate. 

“If you could be a contestant on any show what would it be?”

Now, realistically, my answer should be something like Wheel of Fortune or The Great British Baking Show. But icebreakers aren’t always about reality.

If I could compete on any show, it would most definitely be History Channel’s, Alone. 

Ten contestants are dropped separately in the middle of nowhere. Usually, the unforgiving remote wolf and bear-infested Canadian wilderness is the location of choice for this adventure series. And the person who lasts the longest wins. No, this isn’t Hunger Games. The so-called losers aren’t eaten by those bears. They simply use their satellite phones to “tap out” when they’ve reached their limit of isolation. Or until they must be medically extracted for dangerous health reasons. The men and women go through extensive training beforehand, adding to their already excellent bushcraft skills. Then they are each separately dropped with their ten approved items in a place largely untouched by humanity. They must find water, build a shelter, hunt and gather their food, film all activities with provided cameras, and ultimately survive on their own for however many days it takes to outlast the others.

I’m a huge outdoor lover and camping enthusiast. And the incredible locations selected for this show offer bucket-list-worthy scenery and wildlife. I’m also fairly independent. A type-A eldest child, after all. Plus, I’ve seen every episode of the ten seasons and counting, and I believe that feat alone qualifies me as a legitimate contestant. (Pun intended.) I’ve learned from their successes as well as their mistakes. I’ve learned about gillnets and deadfall traps, about A-frames and earth shelters, about mental fortitude. It quickly becomes apparent that this challenge is just as much about the psychological aspects as it is about the tangible skills and physical demands required for survival.

However, I’ve yet to see anyone approach this competition with the tactic I’d use. One that would combat not only the need for skill but also the oppressive loneliness that plagues many of the competitors. 

I call it the caloric-insulation-hibernation strategy. My plan would be to spend several months beforehand stuffing my belly with as much delicious food as I could manage. By the time I’m dropped, I’d have pretty decent insulation and calorie reserves in place. I’d immediately build a shelter. Perhaps one that resembles a cave. And then I’d hibernate. Weeks later I’d be awoken by the crew announcing that I’d won. And I’d return home very well-rested with money in my pocket. Win-win. Hey, if it works for the grizzly bear, it could work for this mama bear. But that’s just between you and me. If my strategy were to get leaked, there’d be a long line of exhausted mama bears vying for spots on this show.

The truth is I wouldn’t last 2 days. How do I know this? Besides my husband telling me? Well, there’s the fact that I often pass out at the sight of blood, which could be problematic for many reasons. And the fact that I’d never be able to stomach half the things they eat on that show without throwing up. And the fact that I detest throwing up. Then there’s the fact that I would get trigger-happy with that tap-out button every time I heard anything that remotely sounded like something that could eat me. And everything sounds like it could eat me when by myself.

Ultimately, I know I wouldn’t last because I know that I am not designed to be alone. I need help. I need others who balance my many weaknesses with their strengths. Sure, I can do things on my own. And may even prefer it sometimes. 

But ultimately, my Maker has designed me, and all humans, for companionship. 

For community. 

For building up and spurring on.

For encouragement and accountability.

For teaching and admonishing.

For strengthening and diffusing.

For sharpening as iron sharpens iron.

But I guess that’s what makes this survival show so compelling. It goes against our very nature. The ultimate challenge. At the core of every participant, no matter their background, nationality, or faith, lies the innate ache for companionship and the longing for home. 

It’s been there from the beginning, when God said “It is not good for man to be alone.” 

It’s been there from the beginning because this world is not our permanent home.

So, even though I, unfortunately, don’t have what it takes to survive past the first commercial - no doubt transforming a dramatic documentary into a slapstick comedy - I am in awe of those who do. The perseverance, grit, and skill level of the survivalists is remarkable.

And I’d go as far as to offer a flipside to the defeat of that tap-out button. Surrender. The act of letting go of control. The recognition of need. 

And surrendering can be even more beautiful than Canada and more victorious than accolades. Sometimes we need to just break the ice.

*Have you gone through or currently going through or contemplating divorce? I highly recommend DivorceCare. Find a group in your area here.

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