Kitchen Crime Scene

What do a KitchenAid mixer and a blood-splattered crime scene have in common? 

Well, I’ll tell you. 

It’s around our nuptials of wedded bliss when my husband and I receive a shiny KitchenAid Professional Stand Mixer. My dream. (After my dreamy hunk of a husband, of course.)

This beautiful piece of machinery (referring to the mixer here) is built to incorporate all the necessary ingredients for delicacies such as cakes, cookies, and bread. But when my husband discovers the attachment hub, he has different plans for it. 

The time is approximately 7:35 p.m. Day of wedded bliss, approximately 27. Hearing a strange noise coming from the kitchen, followed by silence, I cautiously approach the origin of the unpleasant sound. Before I can even reach the room, my eyes are greeted with gore. A once-white ceiling is splattered with blood. Cabinet doors are graffitied red. Streaks run down the slick surface of the fridge. Nothing in that little kitchen of horrors is left untouched. Including my husband. 

The image of this man standing over a KitchenAid mixer, covered in semi-processed deer meat and semi-processed shock, is almost too much to handle. I simultaneously laugh and mourn the state of the kitchen. Of the mixer. 

Although no real crime was committed in that kitchen that evening, my KitchenAid would beg to differ. We learned the hard way that even though the kitchen is a great place for a variety of activities, grinding the meat of your morning kill with a mixer attachment probably shouldn’t be one of those. At least not in our house. 

The mess was cleaned up and the kitchen was returned to its pre-horror-movie state. And my mixer survived to live a long and full life of baked goods. 

I don’t have to tell anyone that life can be messy. That’s about as obvious as venison on white walls. But I do know that every once in a while I need a reminder to notice the beauty in the mess. 

How the paths of a KitchenAid mixer and a meat grinder can intersect.

How a baker and a hunter can be made for each other.

How the design of marriage is so uniquely perfect. 

How the same differences that cause messy situations are the same differences that can complement, strengthen, and build one another up. 

How some things just, well, go together. Like venison stew and freshly baked bread. 

Enjoyed in a sparkly clean kitchen. 

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