10 Dinners, 10 Stones

This Friday will mark 10 years, a whole decade since I metaphorically “crossed the Jordan.” 

Ten years ago, my two babies and I fled danger with the help of my parents. One year after that pivotal event, still amid uncertainty and trial, my parents and I had our first Dinner of Remembrance to spend time thanking God for parting impossible waters and leading us on dry ground. My kids and I were still safe in our new home halfway across the country. And even though we didn’t know if we’d be allowed to stay or what lay ahead, we began stacking “stones of remembrance” like the Israelites did in Joshua 4.

Some years, it's a nicer restaurant, one that we've never visited. Other years, it's a casual dinner outdoors. But every year, it involves food eating, memory sharing, and God glorifying. Because sometimes we need reminders. Sometimes we need to be intentional with our praise. Sometimes we need memorial stones of hope to point others to the mighty work of the Lord.

So, for this tenth Dinner of Remembrance, I’m stacking 10 lessons from the Jordan. Ten things God continues to teach me.

1. Praise God while, not just when.

God is good. There is a period after that sentence for a reason. He is good. All the time. No matter what. Full stop. I had to wrestle with this for the first time in my life.

“I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth.” Psalm 34:1

2. Fire in the furnace of affliction can refine us rather than destroy us.

The sins of pride and fear, idols of security, image, and even children, can be revealed when our earthly shells are put through some heat. It is a raw and messy, but necessary, process. The image of the refiner’s fire in Malachi kept popping up during very difficult times. This fire doesn’t destroy us; instead, it purifies us like gold and silver. 

For example, I had to learn that God loves those two kids even more than I do. He loved them first. They belong to Him, therefore, I can place them in His hands. And I can trust Him. Because He promises to walk with us through the fire and not let it burn or consume us. 

“Fear not” is the most common command in the Bible. I am one of those who need the repetitive reminder. 

3. Tidy book covers may contain crumpled pages.

I once had a doctor express shock at hearing my story and state that I don’t fit the profile. I’m not sure there is always a profile. I’ve learned that we often have no idea what people are really going through currently or have been through in the past. 

When a person smiles at you, you may not realize those teeth once went years untouched by a dentist because she did not have health insurance, dental or otherwise. You may not know she once suffered behind closed doors, that she stood embarrassed many times in a grocery line after her debit card was declined, had an AA sponsor’s wife on speed dial and a PI on retainer, carried a protective order in her wallet, was once evicted and had only $20 to her name, or has sat shaking in a court room’s witness stand - the list goes on. 

Don’t judge a book by its cover. A smile can be a mask. Photos and social media can be deceiving. I’ve learned that I shouldn't compare myself to others because, for one thing, what I am comparing may not even exist. 

And through the process, I'm learning to get my nose out of my own book; to see and feel the pain of those suffering all around me.

4. God provides what we need when we need it. 

He provides for our tangible needs, yes. But He cares about every detail. He can fulfill longings (for a God-honoring marriage, for example), or remove unmet longings (for birthing more children, for instance), or give unexplainable peace and growth in the long wait of longings (during my new husband’s chronic cancer, let’s say). He’s never early or late. He’s right on time.

5. Gratitude is a key that can unlock a treasure chest of contentment.

Audibly expressing or silently writing out what I am thankful for each day can cause a powerful perspective shift. There is always something to be grateful for, no matter the circumstances. Seemingly small, insignificant things, like sitting outdoors and listening to the wind in the trees while watching my children play with the water hose, brought great joy and peace even in the middle of despair. And blessings, like having godly, supportive parents, can be truly valued and not taken for granted.

6. Community; it’s not just the best coffee to wake you up, it’s also the best support to hold you up.

I don’t know where I’d be without it. My community, both in Texas and in Virginia, has played vital roles in more ways than one, more times than I can count. These people are church family, actual family, neighbors, co-workers, and friends. Every morning, I still wrap up in a blanket my Texas friends made for me almost ten years ago, with now-faded scripture and prayers penned around the edges. I have had the privilege of seeing firsthand the hands of Jesus at work, through His people and the power of prayer. I want to be a support for others, the way this community has supported me.

Also, in case you’re wondering, Community is a great coffee brand from Louisiana that I now drink every morning while wrapped in that blanket. I have my Louisianian husband to thank for that. Even a cup of brew can remind us that we are made for community. 

7. Life does, in fact, go on.

It is a surreal feeling to be in the middle of a life-altering tragedy and watch life continue to go on all around, when just the thought of life ever being able to go on is simply unreal. I knew instantly that my life would never be the same again. But I learned that doesn’t mean it won’t be good, great even. The dreaded term, “new normal,” really did take place, opening up doors for all kinds of wonderful things God had in store. 

Plus, what’s cool is that all the tragedy and pain wasn’t just endured, it was used. God doesn’t waste anything. Even when I didn’t realize it, He was using that junk for good. Even now, 10 years down the road, He is using all that mess, despite my failures and shortcomings. He is also using this story in my parents’ lives, equipping them to serve in marriage ministry as well as encouraging other parents of adult children walking through divorce. That’s why sharing our stories matters. He is the author. They are His stories, after all. 

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

8. There is probably more danger within comfort zones than outside of them.

For the most part, I had lived thirty-some years drifting well within a comfort zone. When I was hurled outside of that so-called safety net, something amazing happened. I realized I could do hard things. My faith and trust in God materialized. Thoughts, words, and beliefs were forced to become physical actions. 

When reading that passage in Joshua, it should be noted that right before the stone stacking, the priests were instructed to take a step into the swollen, overflowing Jordan River. Not until they took an obedient step out of their comfort zone did God part those waters.

I still have a long way to go in this area, but I’m noticing that the more I take uncomfortable steps, the easier it gets and the more I want to do it.

9. Education can take place in the school of hard knocks. 

I remember reading at some point that our current trial could be preparing us for future trials. “Heck to the no,” was my exact thought. There is no way I can go through any more hardship. The truth is, I don’t think I’d be who I am right now without it. And I wouldn’t change anything.

Just as muscles strengthen with exercise, the faith muscles needed to later walk through the cancer journey with my husband were a little more prepared to handle the load. And those muscles are ready to help others with their loads. Plus, strength is at our disposal, because I’ve learned that when I am weak, God’s strength is perfected in me. And, funny enough, He often uses our weaknesses more than our strengths.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 9-10

10. Texas wasn’t really my home. And neither is Virginia.

J.R.R. Tolkien said, “The birth, death and resurrection of Jesus means that one day everything sad will come untrue.” 

Suffering, pain, and sadness will be untrue; it will be reversed; it will not exist when I move to my forever home. Yes, I may have lost my Texas house and most of my earthly belongings when I fled, but that place was temporary anyway. And although I love and am incredibly grateful for it, the house I currently live in and the first I have ever owned is temporary as well. I basically live in tents as I journey through this earthly life on the way to my eternal home in Heaven. 

Crossing that Jordan shifted my focus from what is right in front of me to where I am headed. I may have grieved the loss of many tangible and intangible things over several months and years, but I know that someday restoration will come completely for all of us who put our trust in Jesus.

There will be suffering here on earth; that’s just a fact. However, it is light and momentary compared to where I am headed. I am thankful for the journey of these past 10 years and for the hard road that led to it. I am grateful for where I am going and for Who is walking with me. 

And I hope my life is full of stone-stacking moments along the way.

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